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Cousin Doodle is a Great American
Did I ever tell you about my Cousin Doodle? Cousin Doodle is a Great American. He is a stock car racer, and he can drive a stock car better than Dolly Parton can float. But that's not the reason he's a Great American.
Cousin Doodle likes to drink beer. He can drink more beer in one day than Laverne and Shirley can bottle in a week. But that's not the reason he is a Great American.
Cousin Doodle is a Waylon Jennings fan. Well, that's somewhat of an understatement. To say he's a Waylon Jennings fan is like saying Columbus used to go sailing.
Doodle would rather hear Waylon sing one song than be in a woman's prison with a handful of pardons.
But that's not the reason he's a Great American.
Doodle is a Great American because he knows how to handle himself in any situation.
One time I was driving him home and my car started to skip. Doodle said to drive eighty and it would quit skipping.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
He said, "Are grits groceries?"
I figured he knew, so I drove eighty. The policeman who caught me drove eighty-five. He pulled me over and stopped his car behind mine.
"Let me handle this", Doodle said. "Do exactly as I tell you. Lock your door, roll up the window, and look straight ahead. Don't look at the policeman, no matter what he says or does."
I told you Doodle can handle any situation, so I did exactly what he said.
The policeman walked up on my side of the car and growled, "Where do you think you are, fat boy? Indianapolis?"
I looked straight ahead and didn't move a muscle. Doodle motioned the policeman to come around to his side of the car, where he had rolled his window down.
The policeman went around to Doodle's side and barked, "Let me see your driver's license!"
Doodle said, "Go to hell! I wasn't driving."
Well, the upshot of the whole thing was that Doodle offered the policeman a four-dollar bribe, and he put us both in jail.
Now, I want to remember that I said Cousin Doodle was a Great American. I never said he was smart.
